It's Natalina here and welcome to my blog once again! I thought of getting a little personal and telling you some about me today, in particular my journey to back to healthy and fit lifestyle.  I'm on a mission to create a healthy sustainable lifestyle. "Oh, another fitness blogger" I hear you say... Well not per se, so let me tell you my story.

So yeah, I already told you my name is Natalina, I was born and raised into a circus family and am the 6th generation performers. I've always been very bendy and active, cartwheels, summersaults, splits and more contortions have always been part of my life, even when I wasn't performing. When I was 10 my dad started to make my practice handstands but I was always complaining that my wrist bones where sticking out and touching the floor....,this seemingly small detail was in fact a huge deal, I'll tell you why later on. Anyways, I performed acrobatics and contortions throughout my whole childhood and teens with love, joy and passion. I had lots of hobbies, reading, enjoying nature, and gymnastics. I just turned 18 when I started Linedancing (yee-haw, I know) and I competed for almost 10 years, travelling to USA, Canada and throughout Europe.

Like everyone on this planet I experienced some setbacks and negative moments but I must say I've had a great life so far!! BUT there has always been a big cloud shadowing my existence... GENERAL SICKNESS & INJURIES. Yes I know everyone get's sick sometimes but me...I'm on a whole other level.. I think the most asked question in my life is; "What's wrong with you this time?". I catch everything that comes along, even if I already have the flue and something else is coming along, I will catch it on top of it, accumulating stuff on top of other stuff, on top of more other stuff... The same thing counts for injuries, it seems like I get hurt even just by thinking of it, and it takes a hell lotta time to heal, if I ever do so (sometimes I don't)!

I've basically known my whole life that I was "hyper mobile", "double-jointed", "bendy". But it wasn't until THIS YEAR, that I've been officially diagnosed with Ehler-Danlos Syndrome. Yes I've been doing 25 years of research and battled my way to get a diagnose (the details to all of that will be in a specific post later on). So yeah, I lived all my life being afraid to tell people how much I really felt sick, if not (pardon my french) how much I felt shit. People get annoyed by someone who is sick, even more so if you're under 30 and you can't see anything from the outside, so you try to deny that you are, in fact, sick. You deal with pain, insecurity, anxiety, depression, and yeas sometime even suicidal thoughts.

This whole lot made sure that I never really cared for myself and my body like I actually should have, I know that now. I was never really taught how to either, after my first injury I did have some treatment but when it wasn't getting really better and the doctors didn't know what to do with it, they just shook it off with some pain medication and a pat on the back saying I was still young and would get better soon. It made me feel that my problem wasn't that big of a deal, that everybody was in pain and that I had to deal with it, so I shouldn't keep nagging and complaining about it. Thát was the foundation that created my beliefs and would make me tell I was in pain and I needed help only when it basically way to late. Most doctors still treat my like that, but now I am an annoying patient who keeps poking them in the side until I am satisfied because I know my body.

I've always swinged between good periods and horrible periods, very confusing. Most of the time I would just fix my injuries aggressively, getting out of depressive a headspace, but neglecting and denying the work that needed to be done, and just start moving, dancing, teaching, studying, whatever kept my mind of being sick, and when yet another bad period would come along I would try to cope day by day, pretending to be ultra busy and locking myself up from society basically, so I didn't have to explain anything to anyone. Doesn't sound like healthy nor fun nor sustainable right?
Exactly! Ive come to a point where my higher-selfie tells me to SLOW DOWN. For goodness sake slow down. Don't get that extra zumba, pt, yoga instructor course to teach, take a month, six months, hell, a year, how long it takes to do stuff FOR YOU. Go to the gym, not to look awesome on stage, do it for you, get know what your body needs, become smart, become strong. Go to ballet because you enjoy it. Practice Yoga because it makes you FEEL, because you connect to your true self. DO YOU BOO!

And that is what my health and fitness journey is about. I need to slow down, and say no sometimes. Go back to basics. Do what I need to do. And create a sustainable lifestyle for myself. Because I cannot remember the last time I answered someone I felt "Good" when asked. It will be hard, yes, I am a creature of habit, and I like to snooze, pop another Ibrufen, glue on some lashes and just smile (Bob Fosse style anyone?). But the first insight came along and the first step has been taken. I hope you'll love to stick around on this journey with me and to get to know each other!

Last but not least, the picture above belongs to Iris Dijkers from A Dash Of Fash.  Iris is a fashion blogger from Holland (wee-hee jus like me!) and her blog, style and pictures are just uh-ma-zing-ly  inspiring and mouthwatering! If you don't know her please check out her blog and her social media because as I said she's just amazeballs!!

xoxo Natalina.